‘I’m sick of being lied to and ignored but used when they need something’: 37-year-old mom cuts off her 21-year-old son and sister after being left out of a secret birthday party and used as a fallback for favors

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 30, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Lately, everywhere I look, someone is posting about cutting off their parents for the kind of stuff you'd expect to trigger an eye roll, not an emotional press release. Blocked over chore charts, birthday gifts, the wrong brand of milk, you name it. It's like snowflake central but with more hashtags. Meanwhile, parents hitting the block button themselves is not a trend, it's almost unheard of. That's what makes this story stand out. This mom stuck around longer than any reasonable person would, waiting for her relatives to remember she exists for something other than emergencies and errands.

After years of surviving her ex's chaos, this mom is left putting on a brave face while her son floats between parents depending on whose wallet is open and her sister manages to support everyone except the person who actually needs her. The big family party everyone talked about gets held in secret, the guest list gets rewritten, and the only celebration she gets is a quiet dinner and a cake she bought herself.

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  • AIO for cutting ties with my son and sister.

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  • Ok so a little back story. I (f38) split from husband 10 years ago. We have 2 children together m21 and f14.
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  • The relationship was toxic. Abusive and controlling on his part. He made life hell and separated me from all my family.
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  • Sometimes it was physical but mostly it was all emotional trauma. At the time I was devastated by the spilt but now I've had time to heal and really look back it was the best decision I've ever made.
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  • My ex moved on very quickly (convinced they were cheating) and my son decided he would rather be living with his dad than stuck in a house of girls.
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  • Bring in the sister. She is younger than I am and can also be fairly controlling.
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  • Things have to go her way or you get the silent treatment and the eye rolls.
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  • When I first spilt with ex she was great and supportive. But would always like to rub in that her marriage was going great and they were so strong.
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  • My relationship with both son and sister can be very strained at times. My son believes everything his dad says and my sister remained friends with ex even after all he did.
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  • Time moved along and we enter present day. I found out recently that my sisters marriage is going through a rough patch.
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  • Apparently she is meeting up with another man and trying to start something to get out of her marriage.
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  • Thankfully they have no children. I'm not privy to this information from her but my entire family all know and have spoken to me about it but I'm not allowed to let on that I know anything because she wants to tell me.
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  • It's been 6 weeks and I'm still waiting for confirmation from her. I know she won't ever come to me because she knows how I feel about cheating and that I would tell her some home truths.
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  • Everyone else is all sympathetic to her and letting her lean on them like she is the tragic heartbroken one.
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  • No love the husband you're cheating on is the one that needs support!! She is blaming him.
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  • Saying he has let the relationship break down and that he doesn't give her any attention.
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  • But this new man showers her in love. (Pass me the bucket!!) maybe show your husband some of that affection instead of this other bloke and you wouldn't be in this situation.
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  • Sorry I just hate cheaters!! Anyway my main AIO question is this and the breaking point for me on both relationships.
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  • My son wanted a big 21st birthday party with both sides of the family. I agreed and was willing to pay half and have a good time celebrating.
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  • He was happy with that so I started to putting the money away for it. But then he never mentioned it again.
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  • So when he birthday rocked up I took him out for a posh meal. And took him shopping and brought him a cake.
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  • To then find out he had a big party with his dad's family and friends and me and my family be excluded.
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  • Well say my family. My sister and her husband were invited. My issue is I knew nothing about this party.
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  • He kept it a secret from me which has hurt me. If he didn't want me there that's fine but at least be honest with me.
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  • But then it hurt more to find out my sister was invited and she also said nothing.
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  • I messaged both the next day and received nothing back from either. I've decided I don't want them in my life anymore.
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  • I'm sick of being lied to. And ignored but used when they need something from me.
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  • Texts go unanswered, secrets swirl behind group chats she’s not in, and every call for honesty dies in voicemail. At some point, using silence as conversation and asking for help only when it comes with no strings attached starts to feel less like family and more like customer service. Cutting ties isn’t a trend for this mom, it’s self-respect dressed in sweatpants, and honestly, it’s overdue.

  • So Charlotte AIO?? I'd love to know your take on this.
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  • Liv_InginOz Your son is not respecting you and just forget about the sister she's a lost cause. Just give your son time and maybe he'll grow up but maybe he'll be like his father. Only time will tell. But take yourself out of the equation for a while so you won't be hurt. Good luck.
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 I really hope he doesn't turn out like his dad. But I see characteristics that are there and that upsets me.
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  • Nor groovymama98 Sorry Op. Your son is young and has a lot of life experiences coming his way. Give him time. But definitely be honest with him about your feelings. Our kids are gonna hurt us. That's just part of their job in life. But it's easier to hurt the ones you feel the most unconditional love from. Careful not to guilt him. But you are allowed to feel what you feel. Like you, I hate cheaters. I don't allow them in my inner circle. Those who poo poo their actions are condoning the despica
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Thank you I hate cheaters also. It was so distressing when it happened to me and I was Ia really low point of my life. Glad it happened now because I can see the control he had over me. And the bruises spoke volumes. It's the betrayal of my sister still being friends with him after everything he had done that really hurts. The fact she cheated on her husband is the icing on the cake for me
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  • Altruistic CableCar So it's been three years since the party for your son, have you even tried talking to him about it? In person, and in a calm and respectful manner? It just seems odd that it happened three years ago but it's not until NOW that you've decided it's enough and your done?
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Sorry I posted late last night and didn't re read before posting he is 21 and this happened a few weeks ago. I was upset when writing and put wrong age
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  • NOR, Blue_Nose_0518 However, I do think that your son has been manipulated by his father to remove you from the party. He needs to go out there and realize that cheating and DA ain't cool and that it destroys the victim. I'm sure his father depicted you as the villain in all the mess. I really think he might come around later on once he realizes all the st your ex put you through. For your sister, she cheated and of course, she took your cheating ex's side. Cheaters help others cheaters. So, let
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Unfortunately I think you have hit the nail on the head. I believe this mainly to be his dad but at 21 he has a head and heart and thought I had taught him enough about what is right and what is wrong
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  • ChaiGreen Tea I'm confused. You say your son just had his 18th birthday party but at the start of your story you say he's 21?
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Sorry wrote late last night it was his 21st birthday. I should re read before posting
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  • daysalou Boys take a longer time to mature. You need to give him till he's twenty five before expecting a true functioning adult making good, informed, intelligent decisions Until then, you have a sister with the morals of an alley cat who needs to be put in her place. You are NOR and could cut ties with her
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Thank you. I think I'll re think my son. Hope he sees what his dad is actually like. For my sister | think I will walk away. The fact she doesn't talk to me and isolates me seems to speak volumes to me. She doesn't care about my feelings. why should I care for her? Thank you for your responses. It really does help to talk to people who are not involved.
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  • Correct_Cat4414 Why do I feel there is way more to this story?
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 There is. But I didn't want to make it too long. My son ignored my birthday and Mother's Day. He only really gets in touch with me when he wants something. I reach out all the time and get ignored. All traits of his dad unfortunately. My sister has always tried to be better than me. Not that I've ever tried to be but everything she does she has to be better than me. She always belittles me. Calls me fat and boast that's she slimmer and prettier than me. It's toxic but she is
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  • Potential_Sky_35 Wonder why 3 of the people that know you the best don't feel like nurturing a relationship with you. Maybe it's time do to some self reflecting and looking at the mirror. See what the common denominator is. Good luck
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 Thank you for your responses.
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  • Aladdinstrees Maybe its was a surprise.party, or son didn't know you wouldn't be there?
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 He knew everything. He choose to keep myself and sister away. He decided with help from his dad to isolate my side of the family except my sister.
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  • tristesa68 As far as your son, you are overreacting. He's still young and all he did was not tell you about a party his dad was throwing. Sounds like he was trying to save your feelings, and he still made sure to spend some time with you specifically to celebrate. I think you're letting the fact that he wanted to live with his dad (whom you obviously don't have a positive relationship with) cloud your judgment of him. Yes, his dad hurt you, but that doesn't make him a bad father to your son. As
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  • OP III_Candidate5656 The party was a joint idea that I got forced out of without knowing because he said it wasn't happening. The fact he went to live with his dad did upset me but I also understood his reasons and we were good about it. No I don't have a good relationship with his dad when he use to beat me and emotionally control me. But for my son I would have done anything. Unfortunalty that option was taking away from me. Regarding my sister. This was the cherry on the cake so to speak. Her
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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